I’ve been on and off the dating scene for quite some time and, as a plus size and a serial monogamous person, I think I can say I’ve really seen it all. There is the cheeky bastard that thinks he can get into your pants just with his shit-eating grin; the virgin that thinks he can prey on your pity; the “I-want-it-all-but-I-don’t-want-commitment-but-only-on-my-side” kind of guy; and so on, but the most fucked up ” type of match” I’ve encountered so far has to be the asholis manipulatoris.
The assholis manipulatoris, or ” sly bastard ” as it’s commonly known, will lure you into a false sense of understanding and compatibility, they will be so absolutely smooth that you will find yourself in the middle of it way before you can realise what’s going on! You will be apologising to them for their mistakes, taking their sides even when they’re wrong, feeling bad for stuff that you love, and feel like you are exaggerating when you voice your opinion or a quarrel about something you feel mad about ( and rightly so). The sly bastard is selfish, self absorbed and cunning. Master of deception, will gaslight it’s victim making them start to doubt themselves and their reality. All the action will come from you, they will never lift a finger. You’ll find yourself revolving around their schedule and you’ll know that your time is not as important as their. You’ll never be enough for them.
Now, I know that’s terrifying, this chameleons are everywhere, hiding in plain sight in the form of nice guys and adorable girls ( or cool nonbinarys) ( or fabulous genderfluids), but don’t you fret: Only the purebloods can trick you into properly giving your soul for them and even then if you know where to look you’ll manage to run as far away as possible before they become dangerous.
” wow you are really passionate about this…”
Could be an amazing phrase, but if it’s said in a patronizing way is the exact hopposite of healthy! No one should feel like something they are excited about is shit or not worthy the time of the day! So, how can you tell? Well, If it makes you want to apologise about something – anything- that makes you happy… Boi bye!
There is also to say, that in the see of their empty “I’m sorry”, the sly bastard is an easily recognisable creature; their disguise will make you do a double take, sure, but if you are looking for the signs they are easy to spot! Just look for the complete disregard of any type of value in your time as opposed to the absolute gold of theirs, there, you are done!
Also, plus size babes, don’t worry! The major part of the ones that populates our corner of the dating world are a rather weak and mixed specimen, living in the false assumption that we’ll take shreds of attention from left and right and we’ll treat it like gold and diamond because, obviously, we are all terrified of dying spinsters. No surprise here when I say that they are wrong. soooo wrong! We are smart, capable, sassy and have the biggest heart! we believe and we want to give everybody the benefict of the doubt, sure! But, that’s all! we are loved and we are worth so, so much more than what the sly bastard would like us to think!
remember guys: you are valid! your time is valid, your work is valid, your passions are valid, your feelings are valid, your anger is valid, your dreams are valid, your self-care is worthy and you are amazing!
In the end, I’m not really sure where I was going with this post, it’s just a rant, but it’s also something new and pressing? I think, all in all, I just thought that maybe this could help someone in a similar situation, someone that hasn’t gone through as many assholes as I did, and that doesn’t know where to look as far as red flags go.
Also, sometimes you just need someone to tell you that, yes! This is absolutely a valid reason to send someone to fuck off!
I don’t know, would you like to know more about this? To have more dating stuff on the blog?